On the Side of the Road

I found God!  I had seen him a couple/few times before in the last few weeks, but it wasn’t until today that I realized who he was.

Sometimes a monday, sometimes a tuesday, there he was was in his white haired bearded goodness, standing along the side of the curving road welcoming us on our weekly journey over the hills to our coastal oasys with a smile and a wave.  The first time I saw him, he stuck out in my mind as a kind of thin Santa Claus, he had that jolly, happy look, but the thin thing was all wrong.  The next time, a week later on a different day, to see him again was a bit shocking.  He looked good though, this time with a colorful patchwork quilt vest and possibly matching hat, maybe even happier than the first time.

I love that he is there waving to us as we begin to descend into our regular soul talk sojourn.  I have been seriously trying to think of a gift I could bring him next time so I could stop and hand him something to make him smile, maybe shake his hand, say something, nod and drive away.  But now that I know he is God, I am a little reluctant to even take the same route again for fear that he won’t be there. I guess I can get over that, its enough to know that he stayed until I recognized him.

Though I’ve been loathe to admit it to myself, I’ve been looking for God for a long time.  I think the reluctance was there because I had seen and heard so many wrong versions of God, and I really wanted a God that was just right and without something just right, I’d rather believe that there wasn’t a God at all. 

 

I’ve recognized the power of belief and choice for a long time, but for awhile, I have been half-hearted and almost dead in my ownership of my spiritual beliefs.  Somehow I could say that a vision of the universe that could conspire with me was the more interesting view to take, more fulfilling, more rewarding, more responsible, more empowering, but I couldn’t take it all the way.  It was still someone elses idea that I was trying on back from 20 years go.  I would drag the notion out here and there, but I wasn’t living it and making it my own.

 

 

I’ve been looking to resolve this issue lately.  There have been a few key ideas that have helped push me back into the right direction.  The first one was a reminder that the universe is a loving place.  How do I know this?  I don’t!!  But I do believe in choice and the power of belief and it is way better to live in a universe that is loving and kind, whether I am here for cosmic entertainment or to learn something, or I am just a blur of molecular reactions carrying me through a moment of time.  

 

The second idea I got a good dose of this week, was the reminder to use the best story possible to give meaning and purpose and to motivate my vision of the future.  It’d be crazy to choose anything else!  Somehow I forgot that this was my own spiritual path and that I could choose to believe anything I damn well want!

 

And thats the key that has settled some spiritual angst for me and made me intellectually comfortable in my own spiritual skin again. 

 

Imagination.

 

There isn’t a right or wrong spiritual path, and there isn’t a static one-size-fits-all view thats going to do it.  Its a dynamic journey, with many  possible interpretations, and many different levels and flavors to everything that happens.  Todays best story may be replaced by a better one later, its the search for the best story we can think of that will leave us both fulfilled and hungry for more.

 

So maybe that kooky looking guy God will be there on the side of the road next week, smiling and waving me along my journey, and maybe he won’t.  If hes there, I hope I think of the right thing to give him, but if I don’t have something, I hope I at least feel brave enough to stop and get out of the car and shake his hand and say thanks.