I’ve been hanging out with this woman KD who was had to do some hard stuff in her life. She’s not bitter or sad, and doesn’t whine or complain — quite the opposite. She seems to enjoy her life and to make the best of it with integrity and purpose, taking a kind, positive view of her life and the people in it. Her ten year old son suffered some brain damage when less than a year old and is developmentally disabled, requiring permanent assistance. She has raised him and a daughter as a single mom for the last several years. The internal foundation of loyalty and love that she has chosen to construct her life upon comes through quite clearly to me. There is something very solid about her character that I admire.
The other day she shared a little bit about the problems of meeting other people who are scared of what she has to deal with. I could see some pain and frustration. She said, ‘He is my son, how can I do anything but care for him?’ She looked at me, ’If you were married to someone and they lost their legs, would you leave them?’ Ahhh, now thats a question that resonated with me. I answered no pretty quickly. I told her that I was a loyal person. It had been something that I had thought about before, I saw it as a kind of defining question about what a marriage commitment was. To me, the answer to the legless loyalty question was answered with the ‘I do’ of marriage, and that seemed right, even with my freshly muddled view of what marriage really means.
She responded the same but didn’t need to; her answer was obvious from the way she asked it. But there wasn’t any question anyway, she had already followed through on it. She had made her choice and had proof of that kind of unconditional love and loyalty.
It made me wonder why so many marriages don’t survive. How many people would leave their spouse if they lost their legs? How many of those who say they would stay get divorced for more trivial reasons?
I wonder what I would do if I was married and I lost my legs and my wife stayed with me. Would I have the strength to set her free? Would I have the strength to ask her to stay?
Thats not something I want to know the answer to.
